How to Save a Life
by PCGirl
Summary: Starts a couple months from the current storyline. Jolie struggles to stay connected while someone from Natalie's past comes back to get their revenge.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters are property of ABC/Disney--no money is being attempted to being made off of them, and I promise to put them back right where I got them from when I'm done.

A/N: I'm not sure where this story came from, but I hope you like. It's moving along pretty good though, so that's always a plus. The rating is due to some smut in chapter 5 (yes, I do know how to write smut, believe it or not). Ya'll enjoy! Until next time (and as always)--ya'll are the best--PCGirl.

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It was the combination of orange glow and flashing red lights from the fire trucks that caused Rex to slow the car and pull into the parking lot. _This wasn't happening_—was all he could think as he jumped out of the car and made out the back of John's head as he heard the man barking out orders. "What's going on?" asked Rex as both watched the Angel Square Hotel begin to go up in flames.

"Arson, most likely. I'll give you two guesses as to who the number one suspect is—," said John as he turned to look and see Natalie was not with her brother. "Where's Natalie?"

"She left an hour ago—said she had forgotten something. I'm sure she's been long gone from the hotel," said Rex, concern washing over his face.

John glared at him for a brief second before pulling out his cell phone and dialing quickly, "Come on, Nat—answer your phone." But she didn't answer and he immediately could feel the bile rising in this throat and redialed.

"Hello?" choked a voice on the other end and John could literally feel his heart stop. "Where are you?"

"I'm—John—there's smoke," coughed Natalie.

"I'm coming to get you," he said before she could argue and hung up. "John, wait—," said Rex, grabbing him by the arm and stopping him in his tracks.

"Roxy is storing a box of hairspray from Foxy Roxy's in the hotel—," he was stopped when there was a sudden blast from the inside of the hotel. John didn't say anything just ran past the fire fighters and straight into the building.

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_Three weeks before_

"So when is the test?" asked Jessica as her and Natalie sat in a booth at Capricorn, hoping John and Antonio would be able to join them soon.

"Next Tuesday," smiled Natalie proudly. "I really think I know my stuff this time, Jess—I feel like I've been focusing on nothing but taking this test and I'm going to pass and everything will be fine," said Natalie as she watched her sister make a face. "What's that for?"

Jessica shook her head before talking, "That just didn't sound like you right then, Natalie. It sounded like the old Natalie."

She gave a slight laugh before she spoke, "I feel like that lately though—that no matter what I do or try it's never going to be enough. I'm never going to get what I feel like I deserve."

"And what is you think you deserve?"

"Some downtime with just me and John. First there was his recovery, then Spencer's death, and now this arsonist that's running around town. I guess I just wonder if the moment is ever going to come where there isn't a case keeping us apart is all."

Jess put her hand over her sister's, "It's going to come, Natalie—you'll get your happy ending."

"I know. It's silly—I mean I know John loves me, but I wish—I guess I just wish that I had more than just the words from him," she said as she looked up to see Vincent Jones and another man walk into the club together. "Have you seen him before?" she asked as Jessica turned to look at the man.

"I think I've seen him once or twice at the coffee shop. Why?"

"He just looks really familiar," said Natalie as she gave up trying to remember where she'd seen him from and turned the conversation onto happier subjects.

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"Hey," said John as he walked into the room to see Natalie sitting on the bed with a book opened in her lap reading.

"Hey," she smiled as she closed the book and put it on the night stand. "Any clues as to the arsonist?"

John shook his head as he began to undress himself from the long day at work, "The arson investigators will get a better look around tomorrow, but it'll probably be like the others—no leads and no witnesses."

"We're going to catch him John—he's going to slip up and we'll get him then."

"I know—I just don't want anyone else to get hurt or die before we do."


	2. Chapter 2

Natalie sat on the couch in John's office, her legs pulled under her as she continued to read notes from class—old tests beside her to look through also. She sighed as she rubbed her eyes—it was all becoming one big blur and she realized maybe a change of scenery would help so she began to pack up.

She looked up to see John walking in the room looking over some papers, "Hey—you headed home?" he asked as he put the papers down on the desk and leaned up against it.

"No, I think I'm going to go over to the coffee shop—maybe the caffeine will help jumpstart my mind."

"I can go with you—quiz you on what's giving you trouble."

"It's ok, John—I know you are busy," she reassured him as she finished piling everything into her bag.

John wasn't sure how to respond to the comment so he was quiet for a moment as he thought, "You've studied enough lately—why don't we go to Rodi's and grab a couple burgers—I might even let you win a game or two," he finished with a grin.

"Ok—you twisted my arm," she smiled.

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"Listen, I really think you should listen to her and leave."

Those were the first words Natalie and John heard as they entered Rodi's—and they all knew immediately that the voice was Nash's. They hurried the rest of their way into the club to see Jessica standing against the bar looking uneasy on her feet while both Antonio and Nash stood between her and the man that they'd seen with Vincent a few nights before.

Natalie rushed over to Jessica as John stayed to the side and watched everything unfold.

"Can I help you with something?" asked Antonio, his arms crossed.

The man didn't say anything, just continued to look at Jessica, and then he glanced at Natalie and a smile appeared on his face, "You enjoying the view or what?" she snapped back, feeling incredibly uneasy and once again like she was staring into the eyes of someone she had met before.

"He says he's my uncle," said Jessica's quiet voice.

"What?" laughed Natalie as she looked at Jessica and then the man.

"Let me introduce myself—my name is Miles Lennox and my brother is Mitch Lawrence."

"Like hell it is," said Natalie as she left her sister's side and stood in front of both the other men. "Listen, I don't know who the hell you are or why you feel the need to screw with our heads but we all know there is no way you could be Mitch's brother. He had one brother—Walker Lawrence—he never spoke of another."

"I'm sorry—your name is?"

"Natalie Buchanan—I'm Jessica's sister."

"Nice to meet you, Natalie," he said as he tried to take her hand and she snatched it back from his grasp. He gave her a look of hurt at that action and continued to talk, "I'm sure you also know their mother abandoned them—she had me years later with my father. I want to get to know the only family I have left—you see that's why I came to Llanview."

"How do we know you are telling the truth?" asked Antonio.

"I'll commit to a DNA test whenever you want—I've got nothing to hide," he said with a smirk as he once again began looking at Natalie.

John had been quiet the whole time—watching the scene unfold and keeping a close eye on Miles' body language. At the last comment he pulled his cell phone out and walked over to a quiet corner to make a phone call. Something didn't seem right and he was going to get to the bottom of this.

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"Mike's going to the DNA test tomorrow?" asked John as he watched Natalie hang up the phone and then go towards the bathroom. He watched her nod and then begin her nightly ritual of getting ready for bed, starting with taking the scrunchie off her hairbrush and pull her hair back into a sloppy twist.

He smiled at seeing how strong she'd been tonight—her defending her sister was probably the only thing that brought out that side of Natalie. "You know—you were pretty amazing tonight," he spoke as he watched her grab the hand towel and pat her face dry.

"What?" she said, looking towards him, not quiet sure she heard him right.

John got up out of the bed and made his way to the bathroom door, "I said you were pretty amazing tonight."

Natalie smiled at his words, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth. How she almost wished Tess were there to protect Jess still—how she knew Jess was still willing to believe this man while Natalie could feel he was up to no good—whether he was a sibling to Mitch Lawrence or not.


	3. Chapter 3

"So he really is my uncle?" asked Jessica to Michael as she sat down in the seat and Natalie sat down next to her.

"Afraid so."

"And the second test?" asked Natalie—inquiring about how they'd decided to put both sister's DNA to the test—in case Miles paid someone to make Jessica's look like a match.

"Negative—like expected."

"Crap," she said softly as she covered her face for a moment before pushing her hair behind her ears.

"Well, I guess we both get surprise Uncle's," laughed Jessica—referring to David Vicker's really being a Buchanan.

"Oh no you don't—you aren't dropping him totally on me. Besides, I'm sure there's more than enough of David for the both of us to share niece duties with him," laughed Natalie, breaking the tension of the situation. "Why don't we go to the Palace? Figure out the next step in all of this."

"Sounds good—Mom will love to have some more time with Bree anyways," said Jessica as both girls got up and started to walk away.

"Natalie—can I talk to you for a moment?" interrupted Michael from the two girls walking away.

"Sure—I'll meet you there, Jess," she said as she turned and walked back to him. "What is it? Is there something else I should know?"

"No—no. I was just wondering where John was. He wasn't here last week when you came to get the blood drawn, and he wasn't here today either."

"What are you getting at, McBain?"

"It just seems like you two are going backwards—."

"Backwards?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, trying not to laugh.

"If you haven't noticed, my brother tends to stay focused on one thing only. Don't let him forget about you, Natalie. You two have been through too much to let it slip away that easily."

She smiled at his kind words, "I won't."

"Good—cause you've kinda grown on me, kid," said Michael with a wink as he turned and walked away.

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Natalie walked into the Palace—her mind still going over Michael's words about how he thought her and John had changed as a couple. Was he right? Were they letting each other slip away and it was so subtle neither of them had realized it yet?"

She stopped being bothered by it when she saw Jessica and Miles sitting at a table talking and her sister smiling at the man—the whole time the hairs on the back of Natalie's neck were standing on end.

She blew it off as she causally walked over, "Jess—can I talk to you alone for a moment?"

"Sure," she said getting up and the two walked back towards the bar where they couldn't be seen or heard. "What's going on?"

"Why are you talking to him?"

"We found out he is my uncle today—I figured I could at least be friendly with him. Get to know him somewhat-who knows, he might be nothing like Mitch or Flynn."

"I doubt that," said Natalie to herself.

"I'm ok—come on—sit with us. You'll see he's not that bad of a guy," said Jess as she tugged on her sister's shirt sleeve.

Natalie followed, feeling she couldn't let her sister alone with this man, whether he was family to her or not. As she sat down and looked him in the eye she said the first thing that came out of her mouth, "So how did you figure out through Vincent Jones that you were Jessica's Uncle? Not many people know who Jess's real father is."

"Natalie," said Jessica in a low, disapproving tone.

"It's alright, Jessica. She's got a point," he said as he took a sip of his drink before continuing. "I was actually looking into finding my brother, and read about his death—there was a few mentions of his daughter. I dug deeper and realized it was Jessica here."

Natalie pursed her lips for a moment before speaking, "You could have just sent her a nice card in the mail—no reason to drop your entire life and come to Llanview."

"I actually had some unfinished business with an old friend here in Llanview," he said as he once again grabbed his cup and smiled directly at Natalie over the rim.

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"Who the hell is he?" yelled Natalie as she came up to Vincent Jones in Angel Square.

"Nice to see you too. How is your boyfriend doing today?"

"Cut the crap, Vincent. I want to know who the hell Miles Lennox is—starting with his real name.

"He's an associate of mine—he tells me he's also related to you—or should I say your sister."

With each change of subject Natalie felt more anger and fear at the situation—why couldn't she remember this man on her own. "Leave my sister out of this. Now how much do you know about him?"

"I—all I know is he showed me a picture before—months ago. And it was of you."

"Me?" she said, suddenly feeling very weak but trying to stand tall.

"Yeah—but you were younger. I mean it was an old picture—he asked if I recognized you and I said yeah—,"

Vincent kept talking, but Natalie heard nothing he said, she saw pictures in her mind and suddenly knew who he was. "How old did I look?"

"What?"

"How old did I look in the picture?" she screamed—the bile in her throat already putting a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I don't know—fifteen or so."

"Oh my God—it's him," she said softly.

"Him who?" asked Vincent, realizing something was definitely off. But Natalie walked straight past him in a trance—she had thought he was still in jail. And suddenly the feelings she'd had when she was around him made complete sense.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Mike," said John as he saw his brother standing outside a patient's door writing something in the file.

Michael looked up at his brother and didn't say anything, just shook his head, "I thought you swore you'd never be in a hospital again."

John chuckled at the words, "I know, but today was a checkup."

"Yeah? What'd they say?"

"I'm all better. No reason to see me again for six months."

"That's great—I saw Natalie earlier. Is she with you?"

"No—what was she doing here?"

"The DNA test."

"Oh—yeah—I think she said something about that," he shrugged.

"I can't believe you two. You tried to give each other so much space months ago when you were recovering that now you are barely talking."

"We talk."

"Really? Then you would have known the results were in today and she would be here for your final checkup. If you two don't stop and take a moment for yourself soon then all there is going to be is a ghost of a relationship. Don't screw it up, Johnny."

"When did you become a relationship therapist?"

"I'm not. I'm just watching out for my big brother—she's something special John—don't lose her."

John didn't say anything, just gave his brother a nod and walked off—suddenly realizing maybe his brother was right. Maybe they were losing each other.

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Natalie had finally calmed down enough to get to her car and drive—not knowing where she was driving to until she reached the gates of Llanfair and then she knew realized the next step.

She walked into her room at Llanfair, locking the door behind her, before pulling out her cell phone and dialing, "Yes, may I have Commissioner Harris? Sure—I'll hold," she said as she sat on the window seat. It didn't take long for him to pick up, "Hi—Commissioner Harris—you might not remember me, my name is Natalie Balsom and I was part of an investigation you did about 15 years ago, I was a witness also for the prosecution. Yes—it was an arson case," she sighed at being glad the man remembered her as she began to ask the rest of her questions.

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All John could think as he hung up the phone was how did they let it get this bad. How did they go from having everything at Christmas to not even listening to each other now? Not really listening—or else he would have been there for Natalie at the results. He should have been there.

He opened the drawer to put the phone book back and saw the card lying there. He opened it and read the words, "Hope to see all the colors of the world with you." He sighed as he put the phone book back in the drawer and walked over to the couch and then placed the open card on the table. "I'm going to fix this, Natalie. I promise."

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Natalie walked down the hallway to the apartment—John wasn't going to be home for hours she figured and that would give her enough time to come up with the best plan to explain it all to him.

It bugged her that she couldn't go straight to him and tell him what was going—just like she hadn't said anything to John before about the feeling she got around Miles. She wondered if John had sensed anything—they used to be able to read it other so well, but now she wasn't sure.

As she reached the door she could hear the sound of Jazz music on the other side and opened the door slowly, unsure what to expect inside. As she came into full view of the room a smile appeared on her face and suddenly her eyes were filled with tears—it reminded her of the night of the accident—the room filled with balloons, though there was also a vase of roses on the coffee table.

"John?" she called out, scared it was all a dream and she'd wake up soon.

"Hey," he said quietly as he walked into the living room and greeted her at the door. "I thought you were still at work."

"I never made it—what is all this?" she asked, the events of the day suddenly forgotten for the moment.

"It's me trying to make up to you everything. The accident—my recovery—my pretending that everything was fine with us," he said as he brushed her hair out of her face as his fingers grazed the side of her cheek.

"John," she whispered as she closed her eyes—when she opened them up the tears she was still able to hold inside had multiplied.

"There's something else—isn't there? Tell me, Natalie," he said as she walked past him and sat down on the couch, picking up the card she'd given him and smiling for a moment before telling him the whole story.

"I found out today that I knew Miles Lennox before—when I was growing up in Atlantic City. John—he's the one that's been starting the arson fires. His full name is Miles Anthony Lennox—I knew him as Tony Lennox," she spoke quickly to get it out, but the shakiness in her voice knew she wouldn't get it all out before she began to cry.

"Hey—shhh—start from the beginning," said John as he saw her start to get upset again and came to sit next to her, pulling her hand into his as he gave it a tight squeeze.

"When I was about 15 I started hanging out with the wrong crowd—we weren't bad, just misfits. Tony—he was probably five or six years older than the rest of us and was a total charmer. I fell—hard," she said with a laugh. "The guy could talk a grandmother out of her life savings, and I wasn't the type that needed to know his whereabouts every waking moment."

"Only when we're recovering from near death experiences," joked John, trying to lighten the mood.

"John," she sighed.

"Sorry. Go on," he said, already regretting the joke.

"Something seemed off for a few weeks—so one night we said our goodbyes and I followed him to an abandoned warehouse—watched him pull out a gallon of turpentine and set fire to the place. I confronted him the next day."

"_You set fire to that place—why?"_

"_It was just a prank, Nat. Nobody got hurt."_

"_This time, maybe—but what about next time?"_

_He grabbed her hair and looked straight in her face, "My suggestion is to pretend you know nothing—if you don't want to be the person that gets hurt."_

"So that's just what I did—every time I'd see the news about arson, whether I knew it was Tony that set it or not, I'd ignore it. But then one day someone did get hurt—it was an old theatre and there were two little kids playing in there. The firefighters got to them before the fire did, but it could have been so much worse," said Natalie as she took a moment to breathe before continuing.

"Growing up there was an abandoned theatre that Rex and I used to hide out in all the time—all I could imagine was it being us and me losing him. So I went to the cops—told them I knew my boyfriend was starting the fires and willing to help them prove it. In exchange for my help and testimony I was not charged."

John couldn't help but smile at Natalie's bravery in telling the story, "I've never heard you tell that story."

"I've never told anyone—not even Rex. If Roxy even remembers the events it's probably nothing but a blur. I talked to Commissioner Harris at the ACPD this afternoon. He said Miles was released last June—I'm not sure when he and Vincent hooked up, but he showed Vincent a picture of me from when I was 15 and Vincent led him straight here."

"And straight to you," said John as he looked at the ground for a moment and then to Natalie.

"So what are we going to do?" she asked while wiping away the tears.

"We catch the SOB," he said as he pulled her to his chest for a moment. "But first I need to do something else," he said as he got up and walked over to a drawer, picking up the small velvet pouch and then dropping the contents into his hand as he walked back to Natalie and knelt in front of her.

"Every time I hear a story about your life in Atlantic City I'm amazed at you—you are the strongest, bravest person I know Natalie. And with that strength you have brought me through all these dark moments—and I don't think I've ever really given you proper thanks." 

"You have, John," she said softly, her eyes filling with tears, but this time tears of excitement and love—not of fear.

"No, I haven't. And I want—I want to know you'll always be there beside me—even when I'm being a total jackass. I want you not as just my best friend or my lover, but as my wife. Natalie, will you marry me?"

Natalie smiled brightly through the tears as she gave him a nod and John slipped the ring on her finger, "I love you, John McBain."

"I love you too, Natalie Buchanan," he said as he pulled her into a deep kiss—whatever happened tomorrow could wait. Tonight was just about them—their love and the strength they pulled from each other.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Smut warning...scroll down to the second scene if you don't want to read it. :)

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When John deepened the kiss Natalie's head began to swim. He always had this effect on her, but lately it had seemed to change—to not be as potent. Now though—this was how it had always felt before—before the long recovery and the arguments that had nearly torn them apart forever.

She felt John's lips leave hers and she opened her eyes to see him staring back at her—his eyes filled with love and she pulled him back to her, pulling them both down onto the couch.

John's hands lifted the hem of her shirt and grazed her bare flesh—a smile appearing on his face at feeling the shiver rumble through her. He realized he didn't know the last time he'd really noticed all that he did to her and right then decided to re-explore every inch of her again.

His hands pushed the shirt up her sides and they broke contact long enough to pull the top over her head and again looked at her before kissing the tops of her breasts that peeked over the blue bra she wore—rubbing her nipples through the fabric so they became visibly hard.

Natalie's hands fumbled to find the buttons on his shirt, she got a few unbuttoned and gave up with the rest—pulling quickly and hearing the buttons go flying and bouncing off the coffee table and onto the floor.

He once again paused on devouring her, slipping off of her to remove his ruined shirt and tank top. As he reached for his belt Natalie took control until he was in just his boxers.

He looked at her as she began to stroke him through his boxers—his hand slipped between her legs and up underneath her skirt until he found the soft fabric of her panties—already moist with need. His fingers slipped past the barrier and found her wet core, hearing her whimper with anticipation as he began rubbing her slowly.

The simple contact of John's fingers was more than Natalie could stand and she bucked her hips up in urgency of the situation. He let his fingers slip inside her and could feel the muscles contract as he moved slowly inside of her—feeling the rush of one orgasm and then another.

Knowing he wouldn't last much longer at this rate he slipped his fingers out and began to remove her skirt, while she shifted his boxers completely off of him. As he eased himself into her and got lost in the passion that was between them he couldn't help but think how lucky he was to have her.

Afterwards, as they lay there falling asleep in his arms John knew he would do whatever it took to protect Natalie—including giving up his life for her.

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John walked out of the bathroom to see Natalie sitting on the side of the bed staring at her hand—a simple smile on her face, which instantly brought one to his. "You can stop staring at it—it's not going anywhere," he joked as he stood in front of her as he buttoned up his shirt.

"I know—it just still doesn't seem real," she laughed at herself.

"Well, it should—and I should have given it to you awhile ago. I'm sorry," he said as he knelt down in front of her, looking at the ground for a moment before back at her.

"It's ok—you want me to go with you?" she asked, referring to him going to Atlantic City to talk with Commissioner Harris about the arsons Natalie had helped put Miles away on before.

"No—besides—you've got your forensics test today."

"You remembered."

He wanted to smile at her thinking he'd forgotten, but it hurt him to realize how far apart they had drifted in the past months. "I'll be back before they post the scores—then we can celebrate all over again," he spoke as he got up and went to the closet for his leather jacket.

"John—," she stopped before she said anything else.

"What?" he asked, slipping the jacket on and fixing the collar.

"I don't want you to think I'm nagging—but the drive to AC—," she stopped again and he could see her eyes were closed as she fought back tears.

He realized what was bothering Natalie—he hadn't gone to Atlantic City since his return to Llanview at Christmas—it was the thought of him driving that same stretch of highway that was scaring her, "I'll be back—to you—to us, Natalie. Lightning isn't going to strike twice."

"Promise?" she asked as he came to her and she stood up in front of him.

"I promise," he said as he kissed her softly and then suddenly deepened it.

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"Commissioner Harris?" asked John as he walked up to an older police officer and suddenly John wondered if this man and his dad worked side by side before.

"Yes—you must be the officer from Llanview—Natalie called and told me you were on your way," he said as he stretched his hand out to shake it.

"John McBain," he said with a smile as he shook the man's hand.

"Any relation to Thomas McBain?" he asked as they began to walk down the hall and into his office.

"He was my old man—you two work together before?"

"Just a few times—I heard ya'll finally caught his killer," he said as he handed John over the slim file.

"Yes sir—I just wished he'd had a chance to pay for his crimes," said John quietly to himself as he opened it up to see the notes and smiled at the familiar handwriting. In fifteen years it had changed some, but he could tell that it was Natalie's.

He continued to flip more, coming to a picture of Miles—in the picture his hair was darker, and his eyes weren't as cold as they were now. Fifteen years in prison can change a man's soul, and looking at him now it was immediately obvious that he was hardened and didn't care who he hurt in order to get his revenge.

The older man continued to watch John with interest before speaking, "When I met Natalie I was surprised she was willing to turn him in. Most girls in her position and with her family life wouldn't give it a second thought. But she wanted to do the right thing—felt it was necessary to see justice through."

"Yeah, well Natalie—she wasn't supposed to be in the position she was in. But in the end it made her stronger," said John absently as he looked through the crime scene photos.

"What is she to you? If you don't mind me asking."

John finished flipping through the file and closed it—looking up at the older man and giving a half grin before speaking, "She's my life."

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"I think I did really good, John," said Natalie on her cell phone as she walked through Angel Square.

"That's good. I should be back in Llanview in about thirty minutes. How about you pick us up something from Rodi's and bring it home? I'll check to see if the scores are posted when I drop off this file at the station."

"Will do, I'll see you then," she said as she hung up her phone and looked up to see Miles walking towards her.

"Hey—I need to talk to you," he said, blocking her trying to escape quickly.

"What do you want?" she asked, her eyes narrowed as she tried to shadow the fear that crept inside of her.

"You remember who I am," he grinned.

"I don't know what you are talking about," she said as she once again started to walk past him and he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards him. "Before you were naïve and had nothing really to live for, but now—now you have family and friends that love you so if you are smart you won't tell them what you know."

"Let go of me," she said through gritted teeth and then suddenly he was pulled off of her and she lost her balance, landing on the ground.

"Hey—get your hands off of me," yelled Miles as he was pulled off of Natalie and thrown up against the brick wall—Todd's forearm pressing on his airway, making it hard for him to breathe.

"I think my niece told you to back off and you didn't seem to be getting the message. So here it is—you leave her and her sister alone. Nobody in this town wants another Lawrence living around here, so maybe you should leave before you end up just like them—dead," he said as he finally released the man from his arms and shoved him to the ground before turning to help Natalie up. "You ok?"

"Yeah," she said as she wiped her coat off. "Why did you do that?" she asked, looking beyond Todd to see Miles had fled the square.

Todd laughed, "I'm sorry—it looked to me like the man was attacking you."

"I can take care of myself, Todd."

"I know that, but no matter what you are my sister's daughter and I felt like you needed protecting at the moment. What do you know about him?"

"He's just as dangerous as his brothers—if not more."

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"I still can't believe I did that well on the test," said Natalie as she finished her beer and set the empty bottle on the table.

"I can—you're amazing," smiled John as he pushed her hair out of her face. "So what else happened today?"

Natalie bit her lip, "Miles knows—or he knows I remember him—I'm not sure if he realizes you've already been tipped off. He also started to get violent with me, but Todd stopped him before it went too far. Pretty much told him that the spot for favorite uncle for Jessica has already been filled and that nobody in Llanview wants another Lawrence running around."

"I—I know you and Manning don't see eye to eye, but I'm glad he was there to protect you."

"Too bad we can't get Miles to leave town on his own."

"No, but he'll be leaving soon enough—on a bus ride straight to Statesville."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I am not evil...I am not evil...I am not evil...Well, maybe just a tad. ;) Ya'll enjoy! Until next time--PCGirl.

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Natalie walked down the hallway and smiled at seeing John turn the corner and towards her, "Hey—I was just about to come find you."

"Yeah?" asked John as he tried to steer her in the direction she'd just come.

Natalie blinked at him—he was up to something and she wasn't sure she was quiet ready for secrets again. The week had been fine, but just then she felt her old insecurities come back, "Yeah. I have a ton of evidence to look through—I'll be down in the lab for at least a couple hours."

"Ok—I'll come rescue you when it's time to go home," he said with a wink as he gave her a quick kiss and watched her walk towards the stairs that led to the lab. He let out a sigh as he turned to go back to his office—glad that Antonio had called to let him know she was headed his direction. "Sorry about that," he said as he walked back in and past Miles to his desk.

"It's ok—I wish I hadn't trusted her as much back then either," he said as he leaned back in the chair and waited for a reaction.

John gave a laugh, taping his pen on his desk, "You think that's why I didn't want Natalie to come in here? That her knowing you are talking to me will sway my decision in the arson cases."

"Am I a part of the arson investigation, Lieutenant? I didn't know I had done anything except for jaywalking that had raised suspicion on myself."

"Well, since we have the new information that you were previously an arsonist it did raise suspicion. Other than that we have no reason to hold you on anything, but—just don't leave town and stay the hell away from Natalie."

Miles laughed as he stood up, "Give her a message from me then—tell her to watch her back because sometimes your past comes back to haunt you."

"Is that a threat?" he asked, feeling his blood begin to boil at this man threatening Natalie.

"No, just a message—take it how you will," he said as he stormed out of the office.

John sat there quietly for a few minutes and let himself calm down—the man was behind this and he knew it, but so far there was nothing that tied him to the arsons. He finally took his cell phone out and had to search for the right number before he hit send, "Hey—it's McBain—can you come by my office? Yeah—that's fine," he said hanging up the phone.

--------------

"I'm good—I'll help in anyway possible, but we both know Natalie is going to fight us on this," said Rex as he sat in John's office.

"I know," said John as he heard a knock on his door. "Come in," he called and watched Natalie walk into the office like clockwork.

"Hey—I'm all done in the lab—oh, hey Rex," she said and then stopped and assessed both men's demeanor. "What's going on?"

John stood up, putting his leather jacket on before going over to Natalie, "I'm going to each of the arsons sites—look through everything and see if there's something we missed. It'll be late when I get in."

"Oh—ok. I'll probably just go home and read a book—it was a long day out in the field and then the lab," she said as she brushed her hair out of her face.

At Natalie's response Rex jumped up out of his chair on cue, "That's why I'm here—I was thinking we could go out for a beer—maybe go back to my place afterwards and play a few games of poker."

"You don't have anything planned tonight with Adriana?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Nah—besides I miss my big sister," he said as he pulled her into a sideways hug.

Natalie smiled at how Rex was being and then she saw it—a look go between John and her brother and she instantly shoved him away, "You aren't doing this to be sweet—you are doing this because you think I can't protect myself."

"Nattie—."

"No—neither of you are going to 'Natalie' me tonight. You think because there's some guy from my past out there setting arsons that he could possibly start targeting me."

"It's more than a possibility, Natalie," said John softly.

"How do you know? Are you super secret detective powers able to read his mind?"

"I don't have to read his mind—he threatened you straight to my face, right here in this office."

"No—you're lying, because if he did that you would have arrested him on the spot—," Natalie brushed her hair out of her face again, wiping away stray tears as something dawned on her. "Before I went to the lab—he was in here, wasn't he? And you didn't trust me enough to tell me that. Is that what we're back to, John? Us unable to trust each other again," she screamed at him.

John took a deep breath before turning to Rex, "Balsom—can you give us a few minutes?"

"Sure—I'll be right outside," he said as he backed out of the room and closed it behind him.

John stared at the door for another moment before taking Natalie's chin in his hand and forcing her to look at him, "This has nothing to do with trust—and everything to do with you being safe. Remember all those months you kept saying you couldn't lose me again? Well, it's a two way street—I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. So just—go spend the evening with Rex—for me. I'll come by and pick you up in a few hours, ok?" he asked as he moved his hand from her chin to resting softly on her cheek, rubbing away the remaining tears.

"Fine, but I know this is just payback from all those times," she laughed as she blinked away the final tears.

"Yeah, but you still love me," he smiled.

"Always."

-------------------------

"You lose again, little brother," laughed Natalie as the sat on the couch playing poker. "You know—when you say you're going to play poker with me you really should bring you're A-game."

"Yeah, yeah—you want another beer?" asked Rex as he got up from the couch and went to the kitchen.

"Nah—I'm good," she said while gathering the cards to shuffle for the next hand. "Rex—was there a second reason you wanted to help John tonight?"

"I—no—not really."

"I don't believe you."

"I guess—it's to make up for me not being there the first time."

"What? In AC?"

"Yeah—I wasn't there to protect you the first time Miles was in your life—."

"You were just a kid, Rex—you wouldn't have been able to do anything."

"You don't know that. I was a pretty sly 10 year old," he grinned as he came back and sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, I'm sure you were," she said softly—thinking how she wished he had been there growing up, not just because of Miles, but because of all the times she felt lonely and missing her brother then. "Oh crap—I totally forgot," she said as she jumped up and grabbed her coat and purse.

"Forgot what?"

"Movie rentals—they were due today and I totally forgot."

"You can't be serious," he said as stood up to follow her to the door. "There's a psycho out there who threatened you today and you are worried about movie rentals."

"Rex—seriously—I'm going to the hotel and then drop off the movies. The coffee shop is right down the street from there. I'll call John from there and tell him to come pick me up—I'll be fine," she said as she gave him a quick pat on the cheek and was out the door.

-----------------

Something felt wrong when Natalie got to the top of the stairs and she knew then that this had been a bad idea—she should have just stayed at Rex's until John got there—then they could have returned the movies together.

As she got closer to the door she saw the marks on the door suggesting someone had jimmied the lock to their home—not hard to do in this hotel, Roxy needed to get better locks on the doors, she thought. Instead of turning around and going down to Roxy's or Michael's she pushed the door open slowly and it seemed empty. "Hello?" she called as she started to peer in and then was suddenly pushed forward from behind and fell to the floor.

He flipped her like a rag doll and she was on her back—she looked into his eyes and she could tell they were empty, that he didn't care what he did next or who he hurt, "Miles—stop."

"Stop? You want me to stop? Do you know how many nights I laid in that cell thinking about this? About what I would do to you when I finally was free? You ruined my life you little bitch—it was just a game, nobody got really hurt, but you had to tell the truth," he said as she tried to move a knee up to kick him and he pushed himself against her harder.

"You like that? You want to play rough? Well, it wasn't in the game plan, but I'll accommodate you this one last time," he said as he tried to slip his hand up her skirt, and Natalie instinctively put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled out a chunk of his hair. He released his grasp on her long enough for her to escape a moment, but it wasn't enough—she thought—as she felt him grab her leg and she saw him pulling something out of his back pocket. As he covered her mouth with the rag she noticed the gasoline cans behind the door and heard his words before passing out, "Hope the smoke gets to you before the flames do."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks go out to both Gracie and Chantal for getting me beyond my worries about this chapter. Hope everyone else likes it--despite my initial worries, I'm starting to like it too. Ya'll enjoy--not much left of this one. Until next time--PCGirl.

-------------------

The only thing John thought about as he ran into the building was Natalie—how he had to get to her. He wouldn't let himself go to that September night, but as he dove into the flames and felt their power once again he saw it all flash in front of him.

_He didn't know how long he'd been unconscious or what it was that caused him to finally awaken, but as his eyes opened the horror of the scene around him made him wonder if this was hell. The fire—the smells—the screams._

_He tried to grab the door handle to get out and pain went soaring through his body. He thought he heard his name shouted and suddenly saw a figure at his door and then there was Hugh on the other side ripping it open to help a friend._

_Hugh helped him out and somehow John found the courage to fight the pain and start running. Suddenly Hugh wasn't beside him and he turned to see he'd tripped and fell—he leaned down to help him up—remembering seeing the medal fall as if in slow motion out of his pocket and onto the ground._

_Hugh told him to keep running—he'd be right behind him, but then—there was a second explosion and John's life went dark once again._

The hallway was dark—the flames hadn't reached the top of the stairs to their floor—thought John as he stopped his run, coughing and knowing it wasn't safe to be breathing in so much smoke.

As he got to their room he could barely make out the windows on the other side—the smoke was thick and for a moment, because the light from the slot machine wasn't there to guide him, he thought he was in the wrong room.

"Natalie?" he called out, hoping she was still in the room and able to respond to him. He wasn't sure if she'd responded or it was an instinct but he walked deeper into the room and found her on the floor, her breathing beginning to get shallow.

"John?" she asked, trying to open her eyes, but everything was blurry and distorted and she wondered if she was imagining him—if wasn't going to make it to her in time.

"Hey," he smiled as he pushed her hair out of her face. "We need to get out of here—it's not safe, Natalie."

"I'm—I'm just so tired," she said as she closed her eyes again.

"Don't Natalie—don't you leave me," he said as he looked towards the door and could see the orange glow of the flames creeping closer. He knew she wouldn't wake back up though—she had inhaled too much smoke and needed fresh air so he scooped her up and walked her towards the door—glancing down the hallway he knew he couldn't make it back through the lobby without harming both of them and made a split decision that the only way to safety was up.

As he pushed open the door to the roof he was glad to be greeted by cool night air—taking in a deep breath he coughed it right back out. He laid Natalie on the bench as he took her hand, running his fingers over the engagement ring, "See—we did it again, Natalie. We're a pretty good team, you know? Though I think we've had enough excitement now to last us a lifetime or two," he joked as he kissed her hand and walked away from her for a moment, taking his cell phone out.

"John? Where the hell are you? Is Natalie with you?" asked Bo on the other end.

"We're fine—on the roof—Natalie's got a lot of smoke inhalation. Get the fire chief to bring a ladder up here. I think they can fight the fire from above too—it was just barely reaching the third floor when we got out of the room."

------------------

John looked through the glass window at Natalie resting in the bed—they'd given her a sedative earlier to help her sleep—but that wasn't what bothered him.

What bothered him was when they got her to the hospital he noticed slight bruising on her arms and fear crept in as to what might have happened before the fire.

He looked at Michael and didn't know how to say the words he was afraid of, "Mike—when you did your examination of Natalie's injuries—did you—what I'm trying to ask is—did it look—." He couldn't finish the sentence—he had always thought himself a cop first, and the idea of even asking the words made him feel nauseous.

Michael took a moment to answer his brother, "Are you asking if we did a rape test? Yes, we checked—there were no signs of forced trauma—I don't think that was ever the plan, John."

John just pursed his lips for a moment and then let out the breath he'd been holding, "Good—because if he had done anything to her I'd have to turn my badge in and beat him to a bloody pulp. I just—Mike, I almost lost her again," said John softly as he looked at his brother and his eyes were getting watery.

"There's the brother I know," joked Michael as he looked in to see Natalie was still fast asleep. "Come on—she'll be out for awhile and you still haven't let me take a look at your injuries."

As the brother's turned around John let a groan slip past his lips as he saw Vincent Jones walking towards them, "What happened? Is Natalie ok?"

"She's going to be fine," spoke Michael as they continued to walk.

"No thanks to you," muttered John.

"What does that mean, McBain?"

The anger and fatigue of the evening got the best of John and he couldn't walk away, "It's your fault she almost died, Jones. You want to know who started that fire—Miles did. And it was you that led him here to Llanview and straight to her. So you want to know what happened—look in the mirror," he yelled and then turned and caught up with his brother, leaving the man standing there in silence.

--------------

John didn't know when he'd fallen asleep in the chair next to Natalie's bed, but it was her calling his name over and over that had woken him up. He got up and sat on the edge of her bed, his fingers grazing the side of her face—watching her instantly relax and her eyes fluttering open, "Hey—how you feeling?"

"My throat," she coughed out.

"It'll get better—don't try and strain it—why don't you go back to sleep—I'll be right here," he said as he started to go back to the chair and she grabbed his bandaged hand tightly.

"John—what happened?" she said in shock at seeing it bandaged.

"I—it's nothing," he shook his head and rubbed the palm of his hand.

"You got burnt—are you ok?"

"Yeah, trust me—this is nothing," he said with a smile as Natalie took his hand and kissed his palm. "You need anything? Ice chips? Water?"

Natalie just stared into his eyes and suddenly the only thing she wanted was to be near him, so she scooted to one side of the bed and patted it, "Come to bed with me. I want to feel you near me tonight," she said with a soft smile that she knew he wouldn't be able to say no to.

"Ok, just until you fall asleep," he said with a laugh as he climbed in next to her and held her against his chest, and before they knew it they were both sound asleep in the safety of each others arms.


	8. Chapter 8

Bo stuck his head in Natalie's room and gave a cough—he watched John look up towards the door and jumped out of the bed when he saw Bo standing there, "Bo—hey—is it morning already?"

"Yeah—sorry, I didn't mean to bother you this early," he said as they turned to see Natalie begin to wake up. "How you feeling, sweetie?"

"Better," said Natalie as she reached over and poured herself a cup of water and took a slow sip. "Have you found Miles yet?"

"Yeah—that's what I was coming by for. John, can I talk to you outside for a moment?"

"I want to know too, Bo—I think I have a right to know," spoke Natalie as she looked at one man and then the other.

"Ok—Miles was found in an alley overnight by one of our officers that was searching for him. He was found unconscious and beaten very badly—they've got him in a room here at the hospital. He hasn't regained consciousness, but it's just a matter of time now. John—I know you are close to this case, and I should probably find someone else, but you are the best I've got. Will you just do a sweep of the area and talk to anyone you think that could be a suspect in his attack?"

"Yeah, sure—you going to be ok?" he asked Natalie as he looked at her before leaving.

"Yeah—Michael said he'd be by around noon anyways with my release papers."

"Call me when you get released—I'll come pick you up," he said as he walked over to the bed and leaned down to give her a kiss.

"Ok, see you later then," she smiled as he left and Bo continued to stand there. "Is there something more, Bo?"

"No I can go—unless you are ready to give your statement about what happened last night," he asked as she nodded so he took a chair and moved it over to the side of her bed before she began.

-------------------

"I think that's everything," said Michael as he stood by Natalie's bed reading her discharge instructions to her. "You know how lucky you are Nat? You got away with nothing but some bruising and smoke inhalation—if John hadn't gotten to you when he did—."

"I know, Michael. You don't have to remind me," she said as she straightened the covers on the bed, trying not to think of what the outcome would have been if John hadn't been there for her like he always was. "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"If I hadn't gone to the hotel then neither of us would be homeless right now."

"Ok, that is the stupidest thing I've heard you say—and you've said some pretty stupid stuff before," he said, causing them both to laugh as he sat down on the edge of her bed.

"I'll make it up to you—why don't you and Marcie move into the cottage? Just until the hotel is rebuilt or you find a new place."

"You don't have to do that."

"No, I do—and I will. Tell me what you need and I'll go get it. First we'll need a crib for Tommy," she said as she began thinking and then Michael grabbed her hands to make her stop talking. "What?"

"Ok, fine—we'll move into the cottage. But only if you and John move in there with us."

"You two haven't lived under the same room in nearly twenty five years—I don't think that's a great idea, Michael."

"Technically we've been living in under the same roof for a couple years now and we haven't killed each other yet."

"Fine."

"I'm going to go call Marcie—we'll see you at home later," he said with a wink as they both laughed and he left the room so she could get changed.

-------------------

"Rex," shouted Antonio as he and John walked into a closed Ultra Violet. They had tried his and Adriana's apartment, but he wasn't there and Adriana had suggested they check here as he might have had a delivery come this morning.

"Yo," said Rex as he walked out into the club and saw both standing there. "Is this about the fire last night? You need a statement for me—because I can't give you much, other than when Natalie left my place."

"No, that's not why we're here," said John as he looked at Antonio and he nodded for him to go ahead with the questioning. "Miles Lawrence was beaten up pretty bad in an alley last night—you know anything about that?"

"Nope, but right now I really don't have much sympathy for him—and neither should the two of you. Why don't you just drop it?"

"We can't just drop it, Rex," spoke Antonio. "He hasn't regained consciousness yet, but when he does he'll probably be able to tell us who beat him up—why don't you just tell us what you know?"

"I don't know anything—plus he might have been attacked from behind—never known who his attacker was," he said as he turned around, not making eye contact.

"How would you know if he'd been attacked from behind unless you were there?" questioned John.

"Does anyone in this town really care? He set a fire that could have killed my sister—not to mention he destroyed my mom's hotel. I'm not the only one that didn't like the guy already."

"Fine, but if you suddenly remember something else let us know," he said as the two turned to leave.

After they left Rex just nodded, "Sure—because I just love talking to cops."

----------------------

Natalie hadn't planned on coming over here—but it was second nature to leave the hospital and head home—because this hotel was home—she thought as she walked through the burned rubble.

She'd been surprised the arson investigators were already done going through everything, but then—with her testimony it was going to be an open and shut case.

As she walked up to the door she ran her hands over the metal number six—it was burned and left black soot on her fingers. But they would rebuild—she could imagine herself and Rex both helping Roxy clean this place back up and then slowly the tenants would move back in—or there would be new ones—in the end it wouldn't be a problem.

She walked into the room and looked around—fire had engulfed her and John's home, but all she could think of was they would be ok—they'd been hit with disaster's before and always came out on top.

Suddenly she heard a noise in the hallway and turned towards the door, "Hello? Is someone out there?" she called, fear creeping up inside her. As she saw who it was she relaxed some before taking a step closer, "Oh—it's you. What are you doing here?"

------------------

"My money's on Balsom—he protects Natalie like no one else," said Antonio as he and John walked into John's office.

"What about your brother? He'd protect her too—plus Miles was setting him up for arson."

"True. I still think Vincent had Miles start the first one—maybe he had no clue the man was really an arsonist before," said Antonio while John finished walking to his desk and sat down—noticing the side drawer was slightly open.

He opened the drawer slowly and saw the note lying there with her beautiful handwriting scrawled across the front. As he lifted it out of the drawer he saw the ring beneath it and froze at the thought of what was in this letter.

_J_

_I'm a coward for saying goodbye like this—I know. There have been problems between us for awhile John, and we're kidding ourselves if we think they are all solved._

_I've gone to figure out who I am—the real me. Lately I've felt like I was in this fog as to my real identity and what I want in life—whether I am a strong Buchanan or a screwed up Balsom from the wrong side of AC._

_Let me do this on my own John—don't try and find me, because you won't—I've made sure of that. And please don't waste your life waiting for me to return—find happiness and hold onto it, don't let it go._

_N_

As John looked up at Antonio, still standing there trying to figure out what was going on, he didn't even feel the tear that had rolled down his cheek.

Antonio noticed John's gaze go behind him and turned to see Jessica standing there holding a piece of paper in her hand and beginning to shake, "Jess."

"She's gone," was all she was able to say before breaking down into sobs and Antonio comforted her.

A/N: There's a sequel coming to a page near you soon, so DON'T KILL ME:)


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